In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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