um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
