think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
