If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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