Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
