I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
