This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
