her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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