Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
