Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
