Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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