why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
