I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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