It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In other news, I just burned my penis
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
