actually, I'm a sock model
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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