I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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