I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
