i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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