i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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