Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize