am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
