never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
