just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
