Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
