that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
