I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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