just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
