just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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