So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
