I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
