did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
