i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So much rum. So many feels.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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