Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
