??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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