Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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