Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
