I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
