You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
