Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
