You made me cry and you don't even care
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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