its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
