Fuck appropriateness.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
