More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
