When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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