yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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