I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
