Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
