I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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