dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper