awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.