why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick