Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Will you blow on my dice?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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