I heard we made out
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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