Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
