just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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