i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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