I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
