he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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