I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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