his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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