I wish I only lived at night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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