They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
