I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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