I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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