lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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