i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
