besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
