You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
