At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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