Don't you send me to vm
babies were throwing up all over the place
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
