My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
